A Year of Living: 2013

Ah the New Year, a time for new beginnings and of course new resolutions. This year I have decided to do something different. Yes there are a few resolutions that are going to be made for the entirety of 2013, and they aren't super original: Work out more, garden more, and this year I'm adding 'read a book a month' as part of my, I want to read more interest. But the real "resolution" this year is to dedicate my life, for one month at a time, to something. Doesn't need to be something new, doesn't need to be something crafty, but it'll be for one month. This won't be a 100% all day every second of every day kind of thing, but I'll be making a conscious effort to do my activity every day and for sure every week. The list - in no particular order - is below:

1. Writing
2. Painting
3. Scrap-booking
4. Quilting
5. Hiking
6. Musical Instrument : Violin or Guitar, decision hasn't been made
7. Cooking New Recipes
8. Biking
9. House Projects: Indoor
10. House Projects: Outdoor
11. Yoga and Meditation
12. ??? I'm going to have to think on this a bit longer

The first month, January, will be writing. I know what some of you are saying, "Why not do that in November?!", the only reason is because I feel like I have a voice right now, some resemblance of a story rattling around in my head. Therefore I'm going to do it now rather than trying to force it out in November during NaNoWrMo.

I'll document my progress here as I go, sharing stories, insights, photos, and whatever else. Hopefully there will be progress on the other resolutions as well, the reading, gardening, exercising, that everyone has as their resolutions.

It begins with a challenge

I've recently been challenged to get fit with a friend of mine from fitocracy. Sounds great right? Finally get that body I've always wanted, feel better about myself, have more energy all around, who wouldn't want that right? But it's those pre-planning stages where I get trapped. I like to go big, and I know I do it. I want to do more push-ups, pull-ups, and planks. I want to lift more weight. I want better cardio. I want those rock hard abs. I want to do yoga and martial arts. I need to hike more and no surprise through all of this I won't give up rock climbing. So how do you fit this all into a week without your entire life being dedicated to fitness? I *want* to do it all, and since I'm not interested in doing much of a diet going big is a good way to help counter act that.

Ooops I said the forbidden word...diet. Everyone needs to stop jumping up and down for a second and let me explain. Yes I understand that to lose weight you need less calories (but not starve yourself). Yes I understand that to gain muscle you need protein. Yes I understand that you need the right kinds of foods and lots of "American" foods will give you name-your-favorite-disease. But let me spell this out once: I won't do it. I have tried the counting calories and discovered that if you ask 3 different people how much you should eat you'll get 7 different answers. I have tried cutting out things from my diet and what ends up happening is I have a bad day and eat an entire pizza (or whatever). What I need to do it something I can live with. Hence the statement I made a while ago, and that's all the diet you're ever going to get out of me. I may cut out pop though. I should probably do that much.

The next step everyone seems to ask is "what do you want to look like?" this I feel is equally hard for me. I can point you to pictures easily, I want to look like that! But wait! How many of those people are real? To say it another way is it an accurate goal? Sure I'd love to look like but is that because she's a buxom tall dark exotic beauty? Because no matter how hard I workout, diet, wear different cloths, there is no way I'm becoming a tall dark exotic beauty. I know people who freak out that strong women will get big and bulky...have no fear I am not in that camp. I know better. What's more important to me is how I feel (how very zen of me) and that's not something you can really put down in a goal or track progress with. I know people who put smilies next to days to track their mood, but that's not really what I mean.

At some point I'll figure out some goals, take some measurements and share to the darkness of the internets. Who knows maybe someday I'll be able to turn heads in a dress (not just because omg she's actually wearing a dress) and have that self-confidence thing people keep talking about. Until then, it's quite possible that I'll be living at the gym or the office for the foreseeable future.

14,270 ft

I finally made it, I've now hiked a 14'er does this mean I'm a Coloradan now? Probably not until I participate in winter sports. But hey I'm getting closer! I am not going to pretend that this was easy for me, it was a brutal hike especially when I tried to keep up with those fast long legged friends of mine. I got up a 2am, managed to pull on my hiking boots and eat some oatmeal and headed out to meet everyone at the parking lot at work. We drove up, got out of the car into a much colder environment, strapped on a headlamp and started up the mountain. Round trip it's only 7-8 miles (depending on if you go up Grey's Peak *and* Torrey Peak)

I was the slow one. Legs were fine but it took about half the hike before my lungs stopped feeling like they were dying. Ironically I felt much better at around 13,000ft than I did at 11,000ft, though I could have just been delusional at that point :) The hike cleared 3000ft elevation gain, took about 5 hours, and got us back to the office before noon.

After I came down I was in awe of another friend of mine who has been up Mt. Rainier several times and runs around all the time. This is what she said to me:

Suffering is part of the bargain you make with the mountain - Anna Askren

I feel this is very apt. I got to the top of a beautiful mountain, with fresh air, friends, and just a thrill running through my entire body and soul. But I did have to suffer to get there. I think it was a good bargain. I'm already itching to do it again. Maybe I'll do more than one this year, before the cold weather sets in. Maybe Colorado will make a hiker outta me yet.

And the list continues

As I am lazily sitting here not doing much except a little house cleaning, I'll continue the list I started (which will shame me into doing both yard work and going to the gym)

11. Don't Whine or Complain I'm working on it ;)

12. Don't Overdo the "Core" Work Everything does work the core so you don't need to spend all your time doing thousands of crunches. I know from climbing my core is pretty good, although insulated

13. Enjoy the Journey Yes this is important. This is one of the reasons why I never follow a strict diet, I need to still love life and enjoy every minute of it

14. Don't Rely and Curls and Extensions for Sexy Arms From what I've gathered it's all about body weight exercises and those are my favorites.

15. Don't be Afraid to Get Strong For those who know me... not a problem

16. Eat Food. Real Food Read back a few posts and I've already figured this one out

17. Eat your Protein Steaks for Dinner!

18. Embrace the Power of Rows Yes Ma'm

19. Don't be Afraid to Train Alone I have no problem training alone... it's the training in a crowded gym that always turns up my shyness

20. Someday's You Won't Feel Like Training. Suck it up, Sister I struggle with this one, but I guess I need to get a little more aggressive about sticking to schedules

Empty Your Mind

Rock climbing is about stripping away the complexities of the day to day and focusing on the simple joy of moving against gravity. It’s pulling with your arms. Pushing with your legs. It’s moving fast and light, diving headlong into a challenge, rather than backing away. It’s finesse and strength, technique and skill. And when all the hoopla and preconceptions are removed it’s about having fun. Pure and Simple.

Way too much on my mind recently, on top of that work is stressful and things I had completely forgotten have resurfaced in my brain. I've always had an active mind, I think in general it's a great thing, however it's now trying to take it's toll on me between the stress and the lack of sleep. Something must be done about it, going to have to get a bit creative about it this time. If nothing else I can use it as motivation to keep working out, maybe if I step it up I'll exhaust myself into sleeping!

Alright, back to boring workout stuffs. Nia Shanks yet again came up with an awesome list (or maybe she got it from somewhere else, honestly I don't remember) that needs to be up front on my mind instead of all the other crap. I like to think of it to the tune of that song "Sunscreen" (which also reminds me, no matter what a stripper tells you, there is no sex in the champagne room)

1. Lift Heavy Stuff One of my favorites, still in double digits but those triples are coming up very soon

2. If you're going to do conditioning, do real conditioning While I understand the concept, dear lord do I hate running. I keep getting told that there is a sweet spot in there somewhere, one can only hope

3. Train for Performance Running into my old climbing coach reminded me of my skill, being graceful, so I'm training towards that end and I am seeing some improvements. Still need to jump a bit though :/

4. Squat Sure thing

5. Deadlift Why not?

6. Dominate your Bodyweight One of my proudest items, I can always do at least 1 pull up, non-girl pushups, etc. That and I climb all the time if that doesn't dominate my body weight nothing will!

7. Be the Best You Possible This one I struggle with... so...um.. yeah, it's on the list

8. You're Never too Good for the Basics Well I'm at the basics, so this one is a bit moot

9. Work that Booty Been told I have a nice ass... ;)

10. Get Off the Scale With pleasure

Alright, there are 20 more, not interested in listing them all out tonight, and I'm sure it would bore anyone bothering to read this. So I'll bore you another day. Until then I'll try and see if I can actually get to sleep tonight. If not...it's going to be a long weekend.

Home Again, Home Again

I read an article once that said that you shouldn't take a vacation at the end of the project, you should do it before the end when you need it most. Though I didn't have that in mind, it's kinda what I did. Work is getting a bit crazy and I'm looking at a lot of hard work and potentially long hours. With that in mind I jetted off for the weekend to visit some friends for their first annual pig roast!

This event was the roasting of a 62lb pig in a china box. Basically you place the pig in a box, put the coals on top, seal it up and let it roast for 4+ hours. Makes a convection oven, super awesome. The pig came out wonderful, crisp skin, tender meat. Wonderful.

In addition to the pig there was a fully stocked bar, giant jenga, and cornhole (to which I became part of an undefeated team, right combination of witty banter and booze I hit the sweet spot of the bell curve)

All in all, it was a great trip. Now I can get back to the grind stone of work and exercise. Yard work too. Fun times.

Go Big, Limp Home

I’m on day 3 of beautiful badass and today I did my first jog/run (with the aid of zombies) I find it amusing how the badass program (selected the weight loss one for starters because well that’s the first goal aside from becoming crazy strong) is a nice easy workout (easy also means low fitocracy points, oh well). Yes I am sore and it’s working, but it’s not like a pumped up hour long workout, it’s easy to finish and I feel the burn afterwards. Then there’s the C25k program, which right now has me intimidated to even start. I’m glad I signed up to do a 5k.. .that might actually force me to do it.. but in the same breath... wtf did I get myself into? It should be a fun 5k, not the Run for Your Lives obstacle 5k, this one is just run and get covered in colors and end up looking light an art class gone wrong. It’s quite possible that when I go into work the next day (or week) I will still be colored at least a little bit. Better make sure not to touch the cat before I’ve jumped in the shower for an hour or so.

Doing a crazy amount of climbing... I’m getting better and moving on to some of the more challenging climbs. Pretty good recovery given my sprained ankle in February, and I’m thinking more mental here than actual sprain recovery time. I love this sport so much, it’s like a breath of fresh air every time : ) I did manage to cut up my one hand from climbing so frequently, and during my run today I cut my ankle. Hard core or stupid, take your pick.

Been eating food, which is good. Cooking more which is also good. On other non-healthy/fitness news I’ve picked up my violin again. As of right now I’ve managed to play a scale and break my E string while tuning it. Not bad for having the violin sit in a closet untouched for 10+ years. I’m getting new strings for it and hopefully I’ll be able to re-string it and tune it up (again) and start playing more things.

Got a lot of work to do this week (at work) along with general working out. Then fly to Seattle for a party! Woot!

Summer Hikes... so far :)

So far this year I have completed 3 hikes (sad, I know, but I'm renewing my dedication as you will read below)

The first hike was up in Boulder outside of NCAR. I went up with Leigh and Adam and his task master of a dog, Junior. This hike wore me out badly, we went a bit longer than we originally planned (though we didn't really plan...problem #1) but I still had a blast.

Second hike was in Deer Creek Canyon and was super close to home. I did this one with some new friends: Ed(from Fitocracy), John and Liz. I ended up not taking any pictures but that doesn't diminish the beauty of the area. I plan to go back and I'll be taking tons of pictures when I do. It was a short hike only around 3 miles, but at least I didn't die like I did with #1.

The third hike I did by myself. I've never done a hike by myself before but I've always seen people on the trail by themselves so I figured I would give it a shot. Wow what an experience! You get to take the time to chase butterflies, talk with chipmunks, and just stop and watch the trees blow in the breeze. I had a wonderful time and didn't really see anyone on the trail. It was 11 miles which ended up hurting my feet (grabbed the wrong socks and got 2 blisters on each foot) in the end though I loved it and will be going out again as soon as I can. Hopefully I'll hit something this weekend, even if it isn't a long hike (11 miles was pretty long for me right now) but just to get out, be moving, and enjoy that fresh air!

Turning Over a New Leaf

So I haven’t written here in a long time, but I’m turning over a new leaf and I do find that writing is a very cathartic activity so maybe I’ll actually continue and stick with this for a while. A lot of stuff on here will be semi-fitness and health related. Not because I find it so utterly fascinating to talk about but because I’m hoping that writing it out will force me to be held accountable to the unknown masses of the internet. I’ll also touch on my garden, life with foxes in the back yard, knitting, and general thoughts and wonderings that I come across. That being said, let’s start with this fitness thing....

Recently I’ve jumped back onto the fitness bandwagon. Largely thanks to Fitocracy... incredibly addicting (at least to me) and really motivates me. (I also just got ‘Zombie’s Run!’ so I might be addicted to that soon and increase my non-existent running program. Because of this I have lost about 20 lbs and have received several comments that I’m looking much better. That being said I still have a ways to go. I did get a personal trainer, who is an awesome person, but we just don’t agree on many fitness points of view. For instance, I shouldn’t lift heavy because then I’ll get big... yeah... from everything I’ve read and real people I’ve looked at, that’s not actually true. Yet I can’t argue it with her because she believes she’s right (and technically I was paying her for that kind of information) and so we clashed a bit. So now I’m doing things on my own. I’ve setup a ridiculous workout schedule in my google calendar which covers the C25k program (might not do) and one of the Beautiful Badass workouts (www.niashanks.com/beautiful-badass/) which covers the next 2 months of my life. Trying to fit in swimming in there too so I can get my scuba certification. This sounds like a lot, but one of the days is already a “fun day” with hiking or biking, several of the days are just wake up and go for a brisk walk in the morning. And unlike with the trainer, I can do these workouts over lunch and often times they only take about 30 minutes instead of 60. All kinds of pluses!

In addition I’m going to go back to my old “diet” strategy from Michael Pollan: Eat Food. Mostly Plants. Not to much. It sounds simple and isn’t complicated like all the other meal plans out there that I should be able to stick with (also mentioned in the Beautiful Badass program, under a different name). I’ve got nothing against those who are interested in Paelo, or macros, or some other eating strategy...though some of the fad diets I do take offense to. I’m sure that Paelo works great for people, counting calories I’m sure works great too, but you know what? I won’t be able to sustain that kind of living for the rest of my life. I can eat food and not go out to fast food all the time. I can make sure there is a vegetable on the plate (my mom will laugh because that was always the big challenge when I was growing up) and I can not eat a huge portion followed by 2nds or 3rds. That is something I can do for the rest of my life. (Another thing my trainer and I butted heads against.... I needed to eat 1500+ calories even before working out, this is a huge amount of food for me and guess what...didn’t drop a lb working with her)

I will not go all out and constantly write about what I am eating or how much I weigh or what my measurements are. That being said I will post once a month or so my progress (as shy as I am to post such things, it is about that accountability right?) I will have it on the side bar and I'll do my best to take those measurements tomorrow morning (since morning is better ;) )

I have also eaten real food with vegetables for the past 2 days. The hot weather here has really made me eat too much fast food, mostly because I don’t want to turn on the stove or oven to cook and there’s only so many “cold’ foods I enjoy. I’m also adding to my calendar a meal plan for the week with some ingredients. The biggest problem I have is that I’m ready to leave work and I’m trying to think of what to have for dinner and I can’t think of anything, Or the things I think of I don’t have the recipe in front of me so I can’t figure out what I need to get. So I thought, what if I made a list of a few things and put the ingredients into my calendar? I’ll give it a shot. Never been a meal planner before, but lets see if this doesn’t help a bit.

That’s it for now. Turning over my new fitness leaf and trying to get back to being super awesome (physically). Lots of climbing, lifting, maybe some running or kickboxing or swimming, and getting back to my love of cooking!

New Chapter: Owning a House

It's been a long time since I've sat down to write something out...combination of lazyness and running around getting other things in life done. That being the case there's exciting news: I'm buying a house! I'm going through such an insane tornado of complex emotions it's hard to really find the right things to say. The process is far enough along that I feel like it's a done deal...but at the same time things can always happen last minute as so many horror stories tell me. It's one of those times where I don't think it's really sunk in... I honestly don't think it will sink in until I am finally all moved (which will be a few weeks after closing since I am planning on repainting the main floor first before getting all my stuff moved in).

3 years ago my mother asked me about saving up for a house when I moved out here the first time. The comment was more made in regards to which apartment should I get. At the time I was single, still young, and saw the house as something I've always wanted but outside my reach. I have friends who own houses by themselves, but the thought of buying a house for just me seemed very alien. Now look at me! Even though I'm not single I'm also not married, I have a kitty-who will enjoy running around in more space- and a boyfriend who comes over often.

The house itself is not without it's few flaws, ranging from minor to major repairs. Most of the big stuff is being taken care of by the sellers, leaving me with needing to do the minor things as well as replace the gutters, service the garage door, and bribe boyfriends Uncle to ground a few outlets. That and do some repainting and things will be well on their way. I might even start packing up some boxes of non-essentials this weekend, (who knows if that will get done as I am battleing some strange shoulder/neck pain) I know things will start sinking in a bit more once the apartment gets packed up....and sink even more when I start painting and buying stuff for those "little fixes". My dream of a garden crop won't really be happening this year. It'll be back to patio crops as the garden needs some work. But I plan to the best of my ability to get things rolling for next year, little by little.

All in all I love the flow of the house. I love the neighborhood its in, and I look forward to figuring things out and fixing things up. I'll be posting a bunch of before and after pictures as soon as I start doing work. Everything is scheduled to close May 5th and I plan on bribing folks to help me move on May 21st, after things have been painted.

It's been an exciting, nerve wracking, stressful, and wonderful process so far. I hope it all continues for many many years to come.

Jury Duty

A few weeks ago I got that dreaded piece of mail: Jury Summons. There's no way out of this, there's nothing that can be done, and it's an important part of our legal system and civil liberties. Still I have a lot of things to get done at work and being out for a day (or longer) is a bit of an inconvience. But I'm pretty sure that "deadlines" isn't a valid reason to be excused, plus I don't think there's much more than a day at work that doesn't involve a series of deadlines. So I wait my turn and head to the court house.

Jury Selection

Heading to the courthouse, I knew there was going to be a lot of down time, so I packed my knitting (the second sock) and a book to read. I arrive at the courthouse right on time and park at the very other side of the lot, because this compact parking lot is jam packed. I get up to the door and go through security, and well, my knitting isn't allowed. There are convicts about and somehow my knitting is more dangerous than a normal pen or pencil. So I walk ALL the way back to my car, drop off my knitting and head back through. I sign in and take a seat and wait. Now I am perfectly happy sitting there (though it was a bit uncomfortable) and reading my book. But it was difficult. The person next to me was constantly weezing and smelled of cigaretts and something else, the people behind me were talking loudly and complaing, wanting things to "move along" like they thought it would help, and the history channel was on and being pipped through the whole room. But I sat there, reading my book, paying attention when I needed too.


Finally they start calling people. I get called for the first group, and I'm called 19th. Shoot. I'm going to be on the jury, unless they don't like me. If I was 60th, maybe not, but 19th.... after more groups are called we head up, take our seats (with me in front of the jury box) and wait to figure out what's going on. The hillarious thing? I am sitting in front of Judge Volz. What are the odds?! My name apparently is more common in Colorado than I thought. We sit, get asked a bunch of questions, when you say yes or no and explain why, you then get asked a series of other questions, trying to determine if you really mean that answer (especially if you say no), and then the dismissals start. The DA, he was very nice, and thanked every juror who left, the defense council, was a cold, uncaring pair of women, never said thankyou, didn't even look at you. But as I suspected, I got seated up there, given my instructions, then went home for the day. Oh joy, 4 days of spending time with these random 12 people and listening to a case involving alcohol.

Trial

We come in the next day (and in fact the next 2 days) to hear opening statements, witnesses, and experts. All in all there are a lot of objections (which I understand why, some of the other jurors were just getting annoyed with it all) some interesting points, some interesting cross examinations, and one expert witness (there were 2 total) who I thought shouldn't have been allowed to be an expert and wasn't really a working scientist. So I threw most of her stuff out. It was interesting, both from a "what happened" perspective, as well as a look at the legal system. During breaks I bonded with some of the jurors and others were less interesting to me. I found it funny how some of them started off with good stories, then suddenly there was a turn, like "I didn't know it was a gay community, we got the hell out of there, thankfully our kids were sleeping" and I'm sitting there trying to figure out what the big deal was, things like that. Finally the whole thing ended, there were closing statements, some friendly arguments back and forth between the DA and defense council, and we were able to start deliberation.

Deliberation

I am not a person who likes to argue. Its a personality trait of mine in addition to being an introvert. Thankfully there were a few vocal people who were on my side and so I didn't have to be the super vocal one. It was, for me, a very annoying discouraging and disapointing experience in the deliberation room. Several of the folks were hung up on scemantics and I just wanted to scream! One of the points of 2nd degree assault is "Serious bodily injury" now I know that something immediately popped into your head as to what serious means. But the definition comes with some simple things: risk of death, risk of disfigurement, risk of impared function, or broken bones, fractures, or burns. Now, regardless of what you think serious is, spending weeks in the hospital or having a bone broken in half through your skin, it took us forever to explain that this guy had a fracture, fracture is on the list, therefore serious injury. I am all for making legal language easier to understand, but maybe "bodily injury in the 2nd degree" would have been more helpful.

In the end there were 10 of us who voted guilty, and 2 who voted otherwise, and therefore we had to convict of a lesser charge. I've never felt more dirty and upset. The man was guilty of second degree... one woman had her definition of intent, which is almost impossible to meet in any situation, and we couldn't convince her that her definition was wrong and she needed to reconsider. The other woman said "I don't want to change any of your minds, but I have doubt and that's all I need" and more or less refused to say/participate any more.

All in all the experience was interesting. Learned a lot about law, the overall system, and I'm free and clear for a year. I feel bad that we couldn't convict him, but there's nothing left that I can do. The only thing left for me now is to hit work full speed and get everything that needs to be done, done. Then I can get back to having a more relaxing week at work.

Resolutions

I know I won't keep all of them, but at least it will be a start:

1. Eat healtier, work out more, drop the spare tire. I put these all in one because in honesty without one the whole plan won't work. All in all the plan is to get my self confidence about my personal appearance and feelings up to where they should be, but dropping some weight and doing more to be healthy isn't a bad thing either. So it will all start, very very soon. The eating part will start now, and the workout part will start on Wednesday, I've been saying it for a while, but yes, yes it will :)
2. Stress out less. This will be a hard one, hopefully resolution #1 will help with this one
3. Keep my apartment cleaner. No brainer, but basically if I suceed in step 2, then perhaps I can stop feeling the overwhelming need to just veg out when I get home, which means being more on top of laundry and dishes and overall cleaning.

Those are the big ones. Those are the ones that I really want to achieve. Oh and saving more money, kinda failed on that recently, but it will be part of the overall goals for 2011.

Happy new year and resolution making, and hopefully keeping, everyone!

Happy Holidays?

Well, the holidays are over, except for the last few gifts to give out and the celebration of the New Year. Overall I was plesantly surprised with it all. I made it back for Thanksgiving, but I stayed in Colorado for Christmas, away from my family, but I did get to spend the time with Matt and his family. It made me feel less alone and things went well. I think that since my family doesn't have as much of a tradition over Christmas it went better than last years Thanksgiving. I've noticed that things that have been the exact same for the past 25 years are much harder to do differently, but things that have changed every year for the past 25 years, those seem much easier to deal with. I still managed to get my tree and decorate it, and make a new wreath to put up each year:

Lilu also enjoyed Christmas very well, she had a great time looking at the presents and then trying to get inside of them. She also assisted in helping me with my laundry attempts for the time off.

All in all it was a good time, I hope everyone had a great time. With or without family.

Halloween

It's both wonderful and awful to have your birthday on a holiday. If it's a going out holiday, everyone wants to do that and you have to compete with the going out crowd of events. If it's a staying in holiday then everyone is with family and not really able to ditch them to hang out with you. You can't avoid your birthday, if its something like May 15th, then you can quietly not say anything and no-one knows. Holidays seem to get less of that.

All in all my birthday(halloween) was pretty great. There were times that I wished I had know that I wanted (and voiced it) to have a quieter house party birthday instead of going out, but I still had a good time. We went to the play Dracula on Friday. It was an amazing play, tons of creepy moments and flashes, I was quite impressed with it. Then Saturday I spent the morning/afternoon with Angie, chatting, baking biscotti, laughing at everything. It was fun. Follwed by dinner downtown (Marco's Coal Fired Pizza, awesome and wonderful) and then out for drinks/dancing. I didn't really do much dancing my feet hurt and the "dance floor" was so crowded that I was inches away from way too many people. Lastly came the actual birthday which was Sunday. Had a nice Cajun brunch, followed by some knitting time, followed by dinner and a movie (RED) which was very enjoyable and exactly how I wanted to end my birthday weekend.

Now to get on with some knitting, do some exercise (I can't seem to drop weight no matter what I try), and relax.

Blind

I personally think that most professors are blind. A few professors, the truely great ones, are the ones who can actually see and empathise. I'm taking this class, my professor is reviewing for the first exam of the quarter, and all he keeps saying is how fundamental and elementary this all is. How its stuff we all should sorta know already and have no trouble figuring out. Now this is a grad course, so if that premise were true then why would I take this course? School should never be about telling you things you already know, it should be about expanding things. Next, honestly, these things are fundamental to a materials specialist. I don't even think Mechanical engineers or stress engineers go into this level of detail or know this much about all the different subjects. The crystaline structures of the materials? The complex costing structures based on economics and variable costs. The different names for the different stages of a material as it goes through a heating and cooling process... some of this is simple, some of this is not. But for an introductory class that is a survey of processes that is open to grad students from all different backgrounds (as the prof said during the introduction to the course) this is way to detailed.

And you know what? I'm okay with it being difficult, that doesn't bother me nearly as much as a class that is taught as simply throwing up some slides to cover things I've never seen before and then before the final to be berrated by the fact that this is easy. It's like saying that figuring out your taxes are easy, you just have to pay a percentage of your income, no worries. (oh but I expect you to know all the fine print that says there are changes to be made if you have children, or are married, have solar panels, were blind and born after 1985, live in an area with more than 12 traffic lights and so forth, but don't worry its something I expect you can do easily)

This prof is the king of being both condescending and heart pounding at the same time. He told us to pay attention to todays lecture, and in an email it say "TIME WILL BE CRITICAL FOR COMPLETION OF THIS EXAM", followed by a review which was nothing but "don't read to much, this is all simple, I just expect you to know what you should already know"

Tomorrow at lunch will be me taking all of the slides and stuff and making a study sheet (because there are tons of definitions and equations to remember, closed book and all) followed by an evening of reading through them, maybe talking them out loud, who knows, but I still have no idea what this test will be like and I still think this is a boring and outrageous class. At least the last one was challenging, hard, and had a purpose to my career and further education. This information I'm dumping as soon as I no longer need it for this course.

*sigh*

It's a funny thing, life is

There have always been a few things I've really wanted in life, which I find ironic. I absolutely love technology, from computers to Ipods, and kitchen gadgets and whatever I love it. But I also like doing things the old fashioned way, the hard way, or whatever. I love making my own bread, dying my own yarn, planting crops (though without a yard that's kinda challenging in itself) and doing things like that. Sure I like just ordering Pizza, but I also like baking my own.

For one example, last weekend I got to make cider. Over 7 gallons of it. I was helping out some friends, I chopped apples (removing any rotten bits) I milled apples both in a meat grinder as well as a food processor, and even helped with the pressing. It was a ton of work and a great time and I know a lot of people wouldn't have even considered it. But even though the cider in my fridge might not taste any better compared to the store for people who weren't involved, but to me it tastes even better!